It was an emotional day for me when my six-year-old twins headed off for their first day of school. Four-year-old Andrew and I accompanied them to the corner to wait for the bus.
When it arrived and the boys climbed on and waved good-bye, I could no longer hold back my tears.
"Don't cry, Mommy," said Andrew reassuringly. "Maybe one day you'll get to ride in a school bus too!"
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No good deed goes unpunished. I had volunteered to tar the roof on my father's shed. I was about halfway done when I slipped and fell flat on my face, getting black goop all over my shirt, my pants, even my hair.
Hearing the thud, Dad looked up. "What happened?" I got up and began to say, "All I did was..." when my feet shot out from under me and I flipped into the tarry mess a second time. "You know," Dad said dryly, "you could have just told me."
After I tucked my six-year-old daughter into bed, she asked if she could sleep with Snuggles, my special teddy bear, because she was just a little scared. I looked at her bed, filled with her own dolls and bears, and said, "What about all of these?" "They won't help," she replied. "They're already asleep."
At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. Everything quickly turned to chaos when a woman carrying a child started walking towards the front.
Everybody was surprised, shocked, and the bride even fainted. The pastor asked the woman if she had anything to say. The woman replied, "Sorry. We can't hear in the back."
During a recent session of family court the wife was asked, "Why did you throw the pot of geraniums at your husband?" "Because of the advertising, Your Honor." "What advertising?" "Say it with flowers."
Q: Why do you never want to be kidnapped by a gang of mimes?
A: They will do unspeakable things to you...
Dentist: "This is going to pinch a little."
Patient: "I love the way you guys substitute words like 'pinch' for 'pain'."
Dentist: "You're right. Hang on to your chair, this is going to hurt like hell."
